Lockdown Week Three

So it has been over three weeks now since we went into self isolation (it only feels like 300 lol). My husband got sent home a week earlier to work from home than a lot of people in the U.K. because one of the first confirmed cases was at his office. I think we have only been in technical "lockdown" for two weeks now? What even is time etc.

I also started having a weird cold that week that started in my chest but seemed to drag on without turning into much, having asthma it's not ideal though and I did have a few stressful days feeling like I wish I could go to the doctor to get some steroids like I normally would for a chest cold but feeling too paranoid/confused as to whether I should go. I am like 98% better now. I feel better anyway but do still have a tiny bit of a cough which makes me feel weird about going for a walk in case people think I have the "rona" as the kids are calling it! Obviously you can't be too safe, I am like 100% sure if I got it it would be much worse because of my asthma, so I am trying to stay inside as much as possible.

Of course this presents its own set of frustrations/cabin fever/all that fun stuff. The weather has been BEAUTEOUS, almost mockingly so for Scotland, and this week looks set to be even nicer. I now own two sets of fabric masks, the first pair I ordered (his and hers) from Etsy I was not crazy about, they fit sort of poofing out from the face and never felt secure, and they shrank a bit when I hand washed them. The seller kindly send me a different style which seems better but I did hand wash them so need to iron them and see if they are still ok. (I am fully aware the messaging on masks is mixed, but I ordered these like 2 weeks ago just in case). Honestly most people still aren't wearing them where we live, even though it's a city, which kinda freaks me out.

Anyway other than that it has been very day by day like most people I guess. I had a ridiculous level of stress and anxiety for the first couple of weeks that was just not sustainable. I genuinely felt on the verge of a panic attack some days and have had more than one crying fury jag. It's very frustrating when you feel like your loved ones aren't doing what they should be doing to protect themselves, and from speaking to friends I know I am not alone in this when I say

STAY THE F*CK HOME BOOMER PARENTS!!!

Ok I got that out of my system! Sorry!

Nothing I say or do can control other people's brains, no amount of "please don't keep doing what you're doing I don't want to be an orphan" seems to matter so yeah...I have had to "self isolate" from my own emotions a lot just to stay sane!

I do think that in America certain (*cough* FOX) news outlets have a lot to freaking answer for in not making people take this more seriously sooner. And it doesn't help that it has been a clusterfork of catastrophic proportions at the top. We are almost in the same boat in the U.K. really to be honest, our cases are rising every day and the U.K. government also sh*t the bed with their "herd immunity" b.s. and still allowing large concerts and events like Cheltenham to happen mere days before the lockdown, which they knew was imminent.

ANYHOO. I really didn't mean to write about this stuff but what else is there right now? I AM trying to stay sane, tuning out where I can but I could still do better. I took a Facebook break this week because despite having some really lovely reconnections with old friends, it has been incredibly frustrating to feel like some people on there just aren't taking it seriously. I think people are more so now, but even like a week ago there was still this kind of subdued vibe about it. A friend made a comment about "well I guess this social distancing is going on for 3 weeks according to the President so I can't have this party"...and I was just kinda like....

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I TOTALLY get that people don't want to think about this stuff 24/7, it's waaaaaay too stressful. I share plenty of jokey/feel good things too but I also feel like I'm one of the few people I know who was really trying to get people to take it seriously in America a couple of weeks ago and it felt like it was falling on deaf ears and basically I was like

I saw this film Take Shelter starring Michael Shannon years ago (it's actually on Amazon Prime* in the U.K. now, not sure I can bring myself to watch it right now though!), and it's one of the few films about a person who just KNOWS shit is about to go real bad, and the whole time you sort of think he's crazy, but his conviction is so strong and everybody is like "Eh, not sure 'bout dat, we'll be fine".

So yeah, me and Michael (I forget his character name) cannot save the world from its own folly/stupidity or willingness to believe what the scarily incohesive message of the day is from the leaders of the western world. The only people saving the world right now are doctors and nurses and other essential workers. As frustrating as it is there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it but try to look after our own selves and the people we love, except the ones who won't listen, in which case we are allowed to sometimes do this:

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I do hope we will see/be through the worst of it soon, and it feels super selfish and weird to write that - like "I hope it peaks so I can go outside again" LIKE WTF 2020?! Obviously I wish that is has peaked already, but realistically it has not. I am not a praying sort but I have been praying in my own way during this time that we all get through it, against the odds maybe but Christ what else is there right now.

So I haven't been able to blog or write at all during the week because my husband is using the computer for work. And honestly, without being able to do anything much while he works other than hang out in my bedroom and try to distract myself/the occasional yoga or whatever, I have realized how bored my brain gets not being able to write.

Even if it's adding to my myriad unpublished drafts folder or just working on random private writing, I miss it and I can't go on like this indefinitely so I will hopefully be getting a laptop or notebook soon. I do have a tablet I could watch shows on but I am just not a watch t.v. during the daytime person, or maybe I just don't like watching stuff on small screens I don't know.

Anyway this was meant to be a post about some of the slightly weird things I have been cooking but this came out instead. Hopefully I can get that one up too. Ok well I hope everyone is staying safe and getting through this the best they can. I keep reminding myself that I am lucky to be able to "stay safe stay home" and I know most people think this situation is an introvert's dream but I saw a funny meme that pointed out the reality of an introvert in this sitch PERFECTLY.

(No offense etc. but yeah...). Being stuck in a house with someone, even someone you are very fond of, is a lot, especially if you are used to a decent amount of genuine solitude. 

A few things that have helped keep me sane in the past week are live concerts that musicians have been putting on. I was so happy that Joy Zipper started doing little videos in particular as they are sort of seemingly semi retired for some reason. I also enjoyed Facebook lives from Richard Thompson, Bill Janovitz, and this funny mini film/concert from Jason Narducy (he is a household fave, he plays in Bob Mould's band which is how we came to know him but his solo stuff is excellent).

T.V. and film wise some things that have kept my brain briefly occupied include:

Love at First Sight (Netflix). It's totally bonkers, but so engrossing and that is what the world needs right now! I am so sad it's over! The only let down for me was the weak sauce reunion show.

Foreign language shows help because they force me to put down my phone: Right now I am watching s. 3 of Elite. Trashy Spanish teen soap murder mystery of the most enjoyable order.

Peep Show: Classic pioneering British comedy about two unlikely best friends, always worth a re-watch, any light hearted silly comedy is a good distraction right now.

Inside No.9: I had seen a few episodes of this show before, but it's only recently we have started watching them in succession (David tends to put them on and sometimes I am *trying* to do other things but I usually get sucked in). What's great about this show is, aside from the two regular actors/creators being a constant, every episode is different, with different guest actors, genres, you never know what to expect. It does tend towards the comically weird/creepy/occasionally genuinely spooky (I feel like Black Mirror owes a lot to this show, but Black Mirror is often "too much" for me whereas this is not, even though it can be truly freaky at times!).

Also I am sticking to period dramas, for some reason they distract me more than modern day dramas right now. I started the BBC Lady Chatterley's Lover from a few years back, bodice ripping smut of the first order! ;-)

Film wise we watched Midsommar (in retrospect, probably a bit too intense,) it actually took us three goes to finish it as halfway through the first time I had a crying fit (must have been all of Florence Pugh's extremely excellent hysteria! OH do check out her Instagram she cooks and is a delight) and then David kept falling asleep. I wouldn't NOT recommend it necessarily but if you have seen The Wicker Man you kind of know where it's going. I actually did like it as far as very freaky awful upsetting horror films go though!

Oh I forgot we watched A Quiet Place that week too (yikes, like can we just avoid post apocalypse stuff...somehow The Walking Dead doesn't bug me right now though because I am used to it though?). Anyway yes A Quiet Place is good but again, timing not so much.

And last night we watched a movie I had heard was good on Netflix called Blindspotting - I was under the impression it was more of a comedy than it was but it was really good. It's about two friends in Oakland, California going about their daily life as movers, with a lot of heavy social commentary/context of everything from police violence against African Americans to neighborhoods getting gentrified. It was a lot deeper than I was expecting but I really liked it.


Anyway thanks for reading.

Stay home save lives. xo



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